Around four years back, at the age of 30, I was going through the lowest point of my life. My attempt at pursuing a career on the marketing side of sports failed.
At 30 people usually have their lives secured or are on their way towards achieving their goal. And here I was at 30 having wasted the best years of my life and more importantly having no clue as to where my future was headed.
And so I turned to my old friend who was easily accessible to me all through my life. It was none other than Self-Pity.
Constant depression and my false belief that I was good for nothing lead me into feeling sorry for myself. This feeling gave me negative comfort and constant sympathy.
The reason I say negative comfort is because I started asking myself questions like
– Why am I so worthless?
– Why has god chosen me for this shitty life?
– Why can’t I be like others? Etc.
Self-pity is like a drug that drags you into it’s den and keeps you rooted there with a feeling of emptiness and an illusion that you will remain worthless all through your life.
My first memories of self-pity was when I was at school and there were these group of friends who used to constantly hang around within and outside the school having a good time together. I always desired to be a part of that group but couldn’t for the reserved guy that I was. I liked that group as they were cool guys who were always energetic and buzzing. Deep down I wanted to be the same, a cool guy who could live his life the way he wanted to. The more I watched them have a good time together, the more I was depressed and I remember going into self-pity mode.
Since then this feeling was a constant occurrence in my life as I considered myself worthless and only source of comfort for me was my sympathy for being worthless.
This continued right from watching those school mates having good time together; to seeing people getting into relationships; to people settling into life after studies and progressing in their professional lives. At every stage of life I felt worthless looking at my inabilities and also watching people around me succeed.
Finally at the age of 28 I told myself enough is enough. My area of interest is sports and let me give it a shot in establishing a career on the business side of sports. And hence without thinking about the pros and cons that the sports industry had to offer, I jumped into the ship hoping to sail as far as I could within this field.
As I stepped into this field I gradually realized that there weren’t enough opportunities in the business side of sports and those who succeeded in this field are the ones who were outgoing and had the ability to network with people easily. That’s what the industry demanded. Two years into this field I realized I had to back out as I lacked an outgoing personality and was anxious to go out and meet different people.
And this was my lowest point. I couldn’t establish a career in the only area of my interest. Everything seemed gloomy.
But somehow I slowly started to take charge of life as I had the desire to achieve something instead of dancing to life’s tunes.
Located at: Hyderabad
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